New Years Intention: The Gift Journal Writing
I love how journal writing helps me navigate the twists of life’s ever-changing course.
Was journal writing on your list of New Year’s Resolutions?
Or perhaps, like me you no longer make concrete New Year decisions to do/not do something. Well, you know of life’s surprises, your own fallibility and seek a kinder way. For me, the idea of setting intentions or aspiring to something is a powerful, yet gentler approach…. not heavy or pushy. This distinction is important to me.
I am tired of pushing myself to ‘do’ – as I have done (mostly for the wrong reasons) – far too much in my life. And repeatedly, I am learning the price is high for ignoring my body wisdom and pushing through. (And yes, I get work/kids/life demands a lot from us.)
Like pushing myself to go ‘one more block’ during our -16 to -28-degree cold snap although my toes were hurting. I thought my toes were sore from rubbing. I buffered sore toes with cotton balls or band aids. After a week of these walks, my toes became an angry red, with purplish edges and rubbery skin. I went to my doctor. I had two frozen toes☹
To be fair to myself I had expensive, top of the line, insulated hiking boots with reflective technology and wool socks. My feet were warm enough in the past, walking in – 30-degree weather (and colder in Inuvik, NWT.) I was motivated to go a little further after having my walks severely limited due to a 7-week respiratory ‘cold’ I had been “Wintering (read here).” I wanted to rebuild my strength, energy and lungs. (During this trying time of slowly rebuilding, my body had given me many warnings about over extending my low energy reserves. Oh dear.)
Home from the doctor became a daily wait and see as to whether my toes would further discolor/blister with instructions to return to the Dr. fast if need be. My fear escalated when I read “it takes up to ten days before frozen area may blacken…may get gangrene.” And too, remembering my friend in Inuvik who lost several toes from the cold was not helpful.
In my journal I wrote of my deep dismay. How could I override my body’s needs and put myself in jeopardy? I didn’t listen to my precious toes talking to me, “Hurting! Hurting!” Instead, repeatedly I walked on sore toes over several days. Self harshness eddying in my mind, dialed up my fear and pain.
A nudge from my Small, Still Voice within reminded me, “You know how to help yourself now.” Rather than sink into self judgement I grounded and lightly observed those thoughts. I did not energize them by making them “THE TRUTH.” With gentle, nonjudgemental curiosity I wondered, “What was going on underneath that pushing?” A tenderness arose toward 69-year-old (young-inside) woman/me who lived this “pushing-herself-to-gain/prove/have worth.”
This kindness toward myself was a life raft (and continues to be) for me. Indeed, this is one of my New Year’s Intentions written within my journal.
“Be kinder to self. See, and let go of demeaning thoughts/ harshness.”
If you feel even a small prompting to journal, take the invitation friend. It is a sacred call waiting to gift you.
