One Participant … me!

Tuesday April 5, 2022

I awoke at 6:18 a.m. this morning with extreme loud ringing in my right ear. Scary. Disconcerting. Yet, I know what I must do.

In 2020 I had a three-month respiratory flu and then in 2021 I was in excruciating shoulder pain for months. I learned fearful thoughts “I can’t live like this!” or “I can’t take this anymore!” ramped up my shortness of breath and pain. So, this morning, I encourage myself: relax…be calm…let go of scary thoughts…surrender… over and over and over.

This morning was to be the first day of My Healing Journal Workshop offered through Armstrong/Spallumcheen Parks and Rec. It was cancelled a week ago – right after I belatedly began to market it. Since then, demeaning negative thoughts poke at me: “What a waste of time, money, and effort… all for nothing…shows the workshop is not meant to be.” Ug. This past pattern born of old hurts can no longer drag me into a pit or masquerade as ‘the truth’ yet - it niggles.

This small thinking knows nothing of my soul’s work poured into creating myhealingjournal.ca and my workshop (which I have more aptly renamed - a retreat). It reminds me of the question asked in the golfing movie, “7 Days in Utopia” we watched the other night. “Did he make the putt?” (Did he win the tournament or not?) Answer: “It doesn’t matter.”

I ask myself the same question: “Did My Healing Journal Workshop (Retreat) go?” (Was it a worldly success?)

Answer: “It doesn’t matter.”

The worth and value of who I am and what I create from my deepest truth is not dependent on outer results. My job is to know, to listen, and to write from the wisdom gifted to me through journal writing.

Still, it is ironic I would awaken this morning with a deafening ringing in my ear (it is a whooshing now as the day progresses) on the first day of what was to be My Healing Journal Retreat.

It appears I have only one workshop participant as I turn to my journal page for solace and healing…

a retreat to Self.

My Healing Journal Retreat